To the Suen Yee of the past,
I mourn for the loss of your innocence,
Your seemingly unshakeable effervescence,
Your perpetual optimism,
I mourn for you.
To the Suen Yee of the present,
I emphatise with your sorrow,
I understand your struggle,
I see your tears shining through your smile,
I grief for you.
To the Suen Yee of the future,
Where would you be going?
What do you want, if not happiness?
Can you reconcile the past and the present?
Can you move on?
First and foremost, I apologise to CE, a friend, for plagiarising one of her blog titles...
I've been crying my heart out for so long... and just now, I've renewed the torrents...
I can't seem to break this cycle of sorrow... maybe I am majorly depressed...
I just feel like ending it all... Help...
With Ah Bow's absence, the sorrow I feel compounds.
Whenever I am sad, I look at him, and see that he's happy in his own little world. Why could I not be content to live in mine?
Now he's gone.
Perhaps he was not as happy as I have made him out to be.
Perhaps that's why he left. The things that I have not done and done.
I think back to slightly more than 2 months ago, 71 days today to be exact, and the things someone has told me, the things that I have done, the things that I have not done, that made him unhappy, and, in consequence, has made me unhappy. That's why the happiness ended. My fairy tale ended.
Could I have done things differently? Perhaps. Then perhaps things won't be as they are now.
I won't have to type while tears stream down my face.
On 19/07/2007, Ah Bow joined the rest of the fish, Bluey, Radio, Little Strong One, to play.
This photo was taken on 17/07/2007.
I was shocked that he went away. He didn't give me any indication.
Perhaps there was something that I neglected, overlooked.
He went away doing the same thing he always does. As you see in the photo.
Perched on top of the plant. Treating the plant like his hammock.
Smart fish.
Then again, Ah Bow was the smartest fish I have ever known. Known, as opposed to kept. For he has kept me as much as I have kept him.
I will miss him very much.
There is someone I can't forget. It's been slightly more than a month, and yet I can't, and won't, accept the fact that I won't be together with him. Every time I look at his face, it hurts me more than I can imagine, or choose to acknowledge. Everything that reminds me of him is bittersweet.
Yesterday, I read two things that are relevant to my life at this point in time: a book titled "An English Psychic in Hollywood", and the other: my daily horoscope. What I find most interesting is that the reading revealed my inner thoughts, and here I include the excerpt of it:
It's interesting what life indicates to us: seemingly small, insignificant details. It just depends on how we see things. It's how we see things that govern how we react to those things.
